My fear of fashion has forced me to learn what to wear, and what not to wear.
Sadly, I was not born with the 'fashion' gene that has served the coolest of my friends with effortless flair from teen-age to mid-life. But after years of searching, I have finally found a style that carries me through the day, every day. It's an attire in which I am confident, whether sitting at my desk, spending time with friends in a restaurant, or perusing the shops before a show at the theatre. And its been tested now over many years and proven by the passing praise of others.
When I was younger, getting ready for any event was always stressful. I relied heavily on the counsel of magazines, but the clothes never looked cool or trendy on me like they did on the girls moodily lazing the pages of Smash Hits and Seventeen. I constantly felt like I'd failed my fashion exam! I can visualise what my fashion school report would say 'Must try less hard, Needs to relax, What on earth is she wearing'. You get the picture?
But over the years I've learned what clothes do work for me. By that I mean, what I feel good in, and comfortable, whilst fulfilling my desire to feel a wee bit feminine. Whilst our personal tastes may differ, my principle, I feel assured, will work for us all -
Learn what works, learn what doesn't work - and follow your own truth.
Find an outfit style that you feel good in and learn to dress it up and down appropriately for every occasion.
The style that works for me, won't necessarily work for you - everyone needs to find their own. But here's how I found mine.
Firstly, I remind myself daily that people have chosen me as a friend, or asked me to do a job, because of who I am. So why would I dress to be anyone else? Of course, there are rules I have to respect; for example, one day a week my role dictates that I wear a blazer. And there are considerations to be had; other days involve much walking.
But on the whole, my clothes are part of me and reflect my identity.
There are personal determinations to what I wear - ever since I saw video footage of myself in an 'above the knee' skirt, I have been self-conscious about my shapeless legs. Consequently, even in very warm weather, you will rarely see anything other than a glimpse of flesh above my calf. However, I can't stand the feel of tights and I'm not comfortable in leggings, so whilst my go to outfit is a full, mid-length skirt - (I particularly love a tulle at the moment), on colder days I have to resort to a good old pair of jeans.
I love cream coloured clothes. I think cream always looks classy - until it gets grubby. So being the owner of two dachshunds who refuse to listen to the commands, 'get down', or 'don't shake there', cream is sadly never going to work for me.
I also love a stiletto heel - but if I'm honest, more so on other people. The reality of a heel on me, is a lot of cruckling (Rochdale dialect for those who don't know) and poor posture. This means I now welcome flats to every outfit. If I do fancy a heel, it's usually a chunky heel on an ankle boot.
You wont see a lot of standard 'blouses' or 'shirts' in my outfits neither. And that's not because I don't like them. To the contrary, I love a silky blouse, particularly with a sleeve. But I know from experience, that no matter how well they fit, they always gape on me when I sit down and reveal a little peephole into my booby area. That is not the look I'm going for, so as a rule, I mostly avoid blouses and shirts.
Outerwear has been the bane of my wardrobe. I feel most comfortable in a denim jacket, or leather, both are great for warmer seasons but neither are particularly warm. Not liking the look of a big bulky coat against the rest of my outfit, I have spent most of my life shivering. In the absence of being able to move to a warmer climate, this is an area of style in which I have had to learn to compromise.
I still wear my denim and leather jacket, but I now own a couple that are at least one size too big. This leaves plenty of room to accommodate a chunky knit. And for those colder days where even that doesn't suffice, I have invested in a long, large puffer. Not the most flattering I admit, but because it's so long, it doesn't have to compliment what I'm wearing because, well, I could be naked and no one would know. But even naked - I would still be warm.
No matter what the outfit, I have my own chosen hacks for dressing it up or down.
Accessories, I have learned, are power. You can add an accessory; to pop colour, add pattern, bring warmth, and even shade. Beads, belts, hats - they all bring personal touches to your outfits when and how you choose. The only advice I can proffer here, is to just play until you find what you like.
Key changes to one item in the outfit will make all the difference. The same full skirt and ankle boot can be casual with a leather jacket, or professional with a blazer.
A scarf can be worn in more ways than I ever imagined (I have the book How to Tie a Scarf and Pinterest, to thank for this lesson) and a knit with a pair of trainers or baseball boots is a great way to pare down a skirt for that country pub lunch.
Since finding my style I save both time and money.
It no longer takes me hours to work out what I'm going to wear and I spend much less money on a whim. Particularly because I've learned to admire a trend without falling for the need to have it. After all, what's the point of a beautiful pair of quirky trousers, if I'm never going to feel good wearing them? And, I no longer feel the need for designer pieces. I know what I want, and so long as its ethically made and well stitched, the label is irrelevant.
The only guidance I rely on now, is my own.
How has your style evolved?
Read more Hell of a Midlife articles.
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