'Don't apologise' is a phrase I hear too often. Possibly because I am, and always have been, a profusive apologiser.
Sorry I bumped into you (when you walked in front of me), sorry I'm stood here in a public bathroom waiting to use the sink that you want to chat with a friend over, sorry I need to ask you a question about an item you sell, (and ask you to do your job).
You get the picture? The word #sorry slips from between my lips before I even acknowledge it's there.
Many people have strong feelings about #apologies, and I have many friends who tell me I should stop apologising for things that aren't my fault. But the truth is, I don't want to. Apologising makes me feel better and I shall continue.
According to William Hanson, an etiquette expert at Help I Sexted My Boss podcast, saying sorry can be seen as submission, especially in our professional lives but, (sorry) I disagree.
When I say, 'Sorry to disturb you', what I'm actually say is, righto - you need to listen to me now. And because I'm not saying it an arrogant manner, people usually do stop and listen. They warm to me from the introduction, and I believe that's important, and productive. It isn't that I feel the need to apologise for interrupting those people, far from it - if I'm going to interrupt them, it's going to be with something worth their while. It is my way of opening up lines of communication.
Some people believe that an apology is an admission of guilt or responsibility. But that is not why I give mine. I offer an apology to start a connection. I am not taking responsibility for any angst they may feel at my interruption or request. Their angst is not my fault, and not my intention. What I am doing is acknowledging that they may feel peeved. I am offering them a soother. Not because I have done anything wrong, but because I feel sympathy for any inconvenience or discontent, they may feel. It doesn't matter who or what is the cause.
I often say sorry when I don't agree with someone too, 'I'm sorry, but I don't agree...'. I have already said it in this article. But let me be clear, I am not apologising for my opinion, I am apologising that the conversation has the potential to turn into an argument and acknowledging that it is not an argument I am looking for.
So, when I say sorry, I am not being weak, or taking responsibility for something that I didn't do. I am actually doing quite the opposite. I am taking control of a conversation, setting the rules of etiquette, establishing trust and encouraging positive feelings.
And, I am very sorry, but I shall continue to do so.
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